At 21 years old, I am finally able to say confidently that I am pansexual.
I had only heard of the term for the first time when I was 16 and started accepting it as my own two years ago. Pansexuality can have slightly different meanings for each individual that feels comfortable with this term; generally it encompasses individuals that are attracted to any gender and/or sex. For myself, I use this term to explain that I am attracted to individuals, regardless of their gender and/or sex.
Even though I now have the language, understanding, and personal confidence to talk about my sexuality, I still feel uneasy and uncomfortable about having to disclose this to my close friends and family. This uneasiness and discomfort are not because I was raised in an anti-LGBTQ+ household. But they are because I was raised in a heteronormative one – one where a model relationship looked like a cis-man and a cis-woman happy together. Heteronormative societies – like ours – do not necessarily teach that being gay is good or bad or that a man wearing a pink dress is right or wrong: it just does not show that that exists. And that, I think, explains my uneasiness towards affirming my sexuality.
The impacts of heteronormativity on 2SLGBTQIA+ youth
Heteronormative households can have detrimental effects on 2SLGBTQIA+ youth. According to a 2012 report from Egale Canada, adolescents and young adults can often experience negative emotions upon realizing that their sexual orientation or gender identity does not match that which has always been expected of them. Even when 2SLGBTQIA+ youth work up the courage to 'come out' to heteronormative family or friends, they may face rejection. This can lead not only to lasting psychological scars but also immediate impacts to their safety. The Canadian Observatory on Homelessness reports that queer youth are disproportionately unhoused; they represent 40 percent of unhoused individuals in Canada while accounting for four percent of the overall population. More than one-third of queer youth also report being forced out of their parents’ homes because of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity.
But it is not just heteronormative society that can leave negative marks. In my own self-exploration, I have also come to realize stigma exists within our community itself, particularly when it comes to individuals that are other than gay. From anti-trans comments permeating drag queen culture to reports of bisexual erasure, it can be hard for individuals to find where they might fit in this world when they feel excluded from both heteronormative society and the 2SLGBTQIA+ community.
Ways Forward
While we celebrate Queer History Month at McGill this October, let’s keep in mind the effects of heteronormativity on queer youth that we sometimes unknowingly enact in our day-to-day lives. On a simple level, this could involve changing our dominant use of heteronormative language – not defaulting to gender binaries when referring to a person’s romantic partner or discontinuing male-dominated terminology, for instance.
Another way forward is to continue to push for improved representation of queer populations in the media we consume. Television shows such as Atypical, Sex Education, Dear White People, Feel Good, Bonding, and so many others have been critically acclaimed for their representation of diversity and the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. Findings have shown that accurate representation in media and advertising can not only improve acceptance and equality but also foster a sense of identity affirmation for members of the queer community.
Realistically, we will not solve all the above issues by watching more inclusive TV shows. However, we might grow to understand little by little as a society that sexual and gender identity diversity is all around us. Our society still has a very long way to go before all systems can be binary and stereotype free. But progress takes time and effort. Collectively, we can build a world for our future generations to feel comfortable exploring gender and sexuality more openly.
Marine Khediguian (she/her) is an aspiring ESL teacher with a passion for student advocacy and being a positive role model in the 2SLGBTQIA+ community. She is currently an undergraduate research assistant with iMPACTS while she pursues her studies.
