Consider checking in regularly with your colleague, ensuring that you listen to and follow their needs rather than making assumptions about what they are experiencing. Some may need to discuss, and vent, seek advice and will want to share, while others will prefer not to bring these emotions to work. Be present and available without imposing yourself.
One framework that some might find helpful when considering how to support a colleague is proposed in How not to say the wrong thing using a “ring theory”:
At the center of the ring is the person affected, successive rings are people from closest to furthest from the affected person (e.g. grieving person, their spouse and children, their close friends, their colleagues and so on). The rule is that whenever you speak with someone who is situated closer to the center, you seek to provide comfort and to listen to their needs. If you feel the need to vent and express your own emotions regarding the situation, you express it to someone who is further away than yourself from the center. This is relevant for grieving persons but also coworkers who may be sick or undergoing any number of other difficult challenges.
A culture of collegiality means that colleagues support each other in moments of need by taking on some of the duties of a colleague (“picking up the slack”) and feel confident that others will do the same for them should they need the same support in the future.
Making sure the colleague knows they can get counseling through the Employee and Family Assistance Program (EFAP) and/or use coverage provided for psychological services under the McGill Supplemental Health Plan (up to 2000$ per year at 80% coverage for recognized practitioners).
If appropriate, consider attending the funeral service to show support, provided that the colleague is comfortable with it. Consider organizing collection for providing care baskets.
If the person who passed is also a staff member or is emeritus, you can remind the academic leader to connect with Secretariat to honour the colleague by lowering the University flag.
